


masterpieces of french collections

by pseudowoodo



Category: Glee
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-08
Updated: 2016-08-08
Packaged: 2018-08-07 11:20:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7712911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pseudowoodo/pseuds/pseudowoodo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When his art forger brother gets in over his head, Blaine turns to the art thief he caught robbing their house for help.  <em>How to Steal a Million</em> au.</p>
            </blockquote>





	masterpieces of french collections

**Author's Note:**

> No knowledge of the movie required but it's fantastic and currently on Netflix!
> 
> for Seblaine Week Day 2: Mobster/Criminal and Day 4: Classic Movie AU

Blaine was fiddling with the radio as he drove into Paris, trying to find something to sing along to, when he heard his brother’s name. The broadcast was in French, his understanding of which had decayed abysmally since he'd left high school, so he quickly pulled over to focus on it, ignoring the honking of the car he cut off to do so. It took a moment but he managed to get the gist of the story: the Anderson estate had just auctioned off a long lost Cezanne oil painting for over 500,000 dollars.

Blaine turned the radio off, fingers drumming on the steering wheel as he tried to remember if there had ever been a Cezanne in their family’s collection. He shouldn't automatically assume the worst, but then again, it _was_ Cooper. He pulled back onto the road with a sigh. He’d been so looking forward to a _quiet_ vacation.

 

The Anderson villa was on the outskirts of the city, trees lining the driveway and hiding the obnoxiously opulent house from view. It had belonged to Blaine’s grandfather, who'd left it to Cooper when he died. Cooper had always been his favorite.

Blaine was greeted at the door by a butler who took his bags from the car and led him to the room he’d be staying in. He asked after his brother and was told he had returned from the auction a few hours ago. Annoyed Cooper hadn't come down to greet him, Blaine went looking for him.

After a quick walk through the house revealed nothing, Blaine went to the master bedroom and opened the wardrobe, pushing on the back panel to reveal a staircase. He’d loved this when he was little, a real secret passage like in the books and movies. It had been his hideaway whenever they'd come here to visit, before Cooper had taken it over and made it his.

As he'd feared, Cooper was there, a paintbrush in one hand and a palette with the other, looking every inch the Serious Artist as he stared contemplatively at his easel.  

“Just give me a second, I’m almost done,” he said, dabbing a bit more paint onto his brush.

Blaine moved to get a better look at the easel, mouth falling open as Cooper signed the painting with a flourish.

“There.” He turned to Blaine with a smile. “What do you think?”

It looked like a Van Gogh, right down to the artist’s name painted in the corner. Blaine wasn't an art expert, but their family had a extensive collection and he was well versed enough to recognize the hallmarks. Part of him was impressed, but the rest was horrified.

“Really Cooper? Another long lost masterpiece? I heard about the auction on the radio, you can't do this again so soon.”

“Ah the auction, that was a triumph!” Cooper stood up and began to take off his smock.

“Someone is going to notice Coop.”

His brother ignored him, folding his smock and setting it on a table next to a jar, which he picked up excitedly and showed to Blaine. “Look at this. Real dirt from Van Gogh’s neighborhood. I mixed it in with the paint. Nice touch of authenticity right?”

“Would you listen to me?” Blaine’s voice sounded louder than he’d intended in the tiny room.

“Calm down little brother, I know what I'm doing.” Cooper dusted off his hands and began to walk down the stairs. Blaine followed as he continued, “The Van Gogh will be displayed here for years gathering legitimacy before some millionaire convinces me to reluctantly part with it. Perfectly safe.”

“It's also _illegal_. You could go to _jail_ Cooper.”

“Oh, would you stop being so dramatic?”

“You're calling _me_ dramatic?” Blaine slammed the wardrobe door behind them as they emerged from the secret passage before he continued to follow Cooper out of the room.

“I don’t see what the big deal is, it’s the family business.”

“What, you mean Grandpa? Two people does not make it the family business!”

“Why not? Gramps taught me everything he knew and one day I'll pass it all on to my own offspring.”

Blaine shuddered at the thought but was saved from responding by the appearance of the butler telling them that a Mr. Grammont was there from the Kléber-Lafayette Museum.

Blaine had a horrible feeling as Cooper exclaimed “Excellent!” and rushed off, stopping only to ensure he didn't have any paint on his suit.  He followed Cooper down to the entrance hall, watching his brother descend with his arms outspread in welcome and shake hands with a small graying man holding a silver case.  Surely Cooper wasn’t trying to pass off one of his fakes to a _museum_?  Even he couldn’t be that stupid.

When Blaine reached the bottom of the stairs Cooper pulled him over to introduce him. Blaine smiled politely while Mr. Grammont beamed at him. “It's a pleasure to meet you Mr. Anderson. I cannot thank you enough for your family's generous donation of the Cellini Venus.”

Blaine looked at Cooper, startled. The Venus was one of the most valuable things in their grandfather’s collection. Well, it would have been if it was real.

The look on his face must have been awful because Cooper gave a bright laugh and clapped a hand on his shoulder, holding on with a too tight grip. “Don't worry little brother, it's only a temporary exhibition.”

Blaine frantically tried to figure out how to communicate how bad an idea this was as Cooper led Mr. Grammont to where the Venus was ensconced in its place of honor in their foyer. It was a small statue, only a foot or so tall, but it had recently been valued at one million dollars.

Mr. Grammont marveled while Cooper looked on like a proud parent. Blaine tried to catch his eye but Cooper was listening intently as museum director showed him his case and assured him of its safety as a means of transportation.  

Together the two of them carefully lowered the Venus into the velvet lined slot that had been prepared for it. The statue’s marble base was left behind and Blaine picked it up, feeling its weight. If he ‘accidentally’ dropped it while moving it to the case, the Venus was sure to be damaged. It would be a shame to lose the statue, but it wasn’t a _real_ masterpiece and desperate times...

He got himself into position over the statue but before he could act Cooper snatched the base out of his hands and gently put it in its designated slot. Blaine watched helplessly as Mr. Grammont closed and locked the case.

There was another round of hand shaking and thank you’s before the museum director finally left.  As soon as he was gone both brother’s dropped their fake smiles and rounded on each other.

“What were you thinking?” Blaine hissed.

“What was I thinking? What were _you_ thinking? This has been in the works for months and you almost ruined everything!”

“Statues aren't like paintings, Cooper. They have all these fancy new tests they can use to date the stone.” Cooper scoffed and Blaine’s frustration grew. “I'm serious! I read about them. And a big museum like that definitely has the technology.”

“Well then their so called testing would be able to tell them that it was made before I was born. There's no way I could be the forger and they can’t prove I knew Grandpa made it.”

Blaine groaned.  Why did his brother always make him want to tear his hair out? “If the most famous piece in our collection is revealed to be a fake, don't you think anyone who’s ever bought from you will want to get theirs tested? And those they _can_ pin on you.”

Cooper remained unmoved. “Why would they even bother testing it? It's a donation for a temporary exhibition, they didn't lose any money on it and they have no reason to suspect anything.”

“But why even risk it?”

“Why risk it?” Cooper laughed. “Blainey, think about it. _Our_ grandfather’s statue in a world class museum, people coming from around the world to admire it. Doesn't that make you proud?”

Their grandfather surely _would_ have loved the idea. And he had never gotten caught, right? Blaine sighed. It was too late to do anything now anyway. “Just...be careful.”

 

Blaine begged off going to the grand opening of the exhibit, claiming jet lag. Truthfully he just didn’t think he could stand the stress, or the sight of Cooper’s preening. Besides, he’d been looking forward to a quiet night alone.   

His plans for an early bedtime fell by the wayside as he got absorbed in the mystery novel he'd bought at the airport. It felt later than it was when he finally set it aside, the old house dark and quiet. He was in the middle of putting on his pajamas when he heard the soft noise of footsteps coming from downstairs. Blaine froze. Cooper had given all the servants the night off; there wasn't supposed to be anyone in the house with him.

He waited, listening for the distinct sound of his brother’s voice in the hope that he had just returned early, but there was nothing.  He was about to dismiss the whole thing as the product of an imagination gone wild after the book he'd just read when he heard it again, definitely the sound of a person moving around.

Blaine crept out of his room to investigate, still in only his undershirt and pajama bottoms, and snuck along the dimly lit hall to peer down from the top of the stairs. Looking over the banister he saw a figure in the dark, running a hand down the frame of one of the paintings. His heartbeat picked up. A burglar!

What was he supposed to do? He'd call the police, but the phone was downstairs with the burglar. He couldn't just ignore it could he? He looked back at the display case of antique pistols near the top of the stairs. They were purely decorative, but surely even a fake gun was better than nothing. As quietly as he could Blaine opened the case, picking out the least ancient looking one. Its weight was reassuring in his hand.

He tiptoed down the stairs, not wanting to alert the burglar until he was closer to the phone. Best to keep the element of surprise. Upon reaching the bottom he made his way to the light switch and flipped it on with one hand, raised the gun with the other and yelled “Don’t move!”

Blaine screwed up his eyes, momentarily blinded by the light, as the would be burglar spun around in surprise. Wow, he hadn’t thought handsome well-dressed art thieves actually existed outside of the movies. Who knew?

“You must be the brother,” the thief said in unaccented English, seeming only slightly concerned by his change in fortune. “The house was supposed to be empty. Why aren’t you at the museum?”  

“How do you know about that?”

He shrugged. “It's my business to know things like that.”

Blaine moved over to the phone, keeping his gun on the thief. He paused after picking it up, trying to remember how to call the French police.

“Oh, come on, please don't call the police. Give me another chance.”

Blaine looked back up at the thief, who was making a poor attempt at wide eyed innocence, and finally registered the painting he’d been attempting to steal: Cooper’s Van Gogh, recently hung and probably without a paper trail invented for it yet. Another ‘long lost masterpiece‘ that did not need to be in the news.

He slowly put the phone down, trying to maintain eye contact, but got the gun tangled up in the phone cord, which rather ruined the assertive effect he’d been going for. He also wished he’d stopped to put on a dressing gown. The thief kept _looking_ at him.

“Is that even loaded?” he asked, sounding amused.

“Yes,” Blaine snapped, though he sincerely doubted it. Feeling the upper hand slipping away, he tried to take the safety off, which ended up taking both thumbs to accomplish. Stupid antique.  

“Alright,” he said once everything was sorted out. He got the distinct feeling the thief was laughing at him despite the fact he wasn’t making a sound. “You didn’t actually take anything, so I’m going to let you off with a warning. And you should take this as a sign that you should really consider a career change.”

“Oh, will do.”

Blaine noted with annoyance that the thief did not look at all intimidated. He cleared his throat and tried to sound gruff. “Okay then. You may go.” Blaine made to put the gun down as a sign of good faith but as he did so a shot rang out.

They both yelled, Blaine diving behind the nearby marble column and crouching into a ball. After a long moment of ear ringing terror he calmed down enough to realize that he had not in fact been shot and was able to stand up again.

Heart still hammering, Blaine moved around the column until the thief came into view again. He was clutching his arm, looking stunned, and when he took his hand away it was trembling and red with blood.

“Oh my god. _Oh my god_ .” Blaine sank back to the floor, closing his eyes. This wasn't happening. This was his quiet night at home without Cooper, he was supposed to be tucked into bed with a good book. Instead he had just _shot_ someone.

“Hey.” Blaine was brought to attention to the sound of fingers snapping in front of his face and opened his eyes to see the thief sitting on the floor in front of him, looking annoyed. “If you don't mind keeping it together, I'm the one who got shot here.”

A relocation to the bathroom and the removal of several layers revealed that the bullet had only grazed him, to Blaine’s great relief. This did not stop the thief from yelping as Blaine examined the wound and poured on copious amounts of disinfectant.

“Are you sure you know what you’re doing?”

“Of course I do, don’t be such a baby,” Blaine said, dabbing the wound perhaps more vigorously than necessary as the thief winced. He probably should have been more surprised a decorative gun on display in an unlocked cabinet had been loaded, but Blaine was all too aware of the lengths Cooper was willing to go for ‘realism’. "You'd think you'd be used to this kind of thing in your line of work."

"I'm a society burglar, I don't expect people to go around shooting at me."

Blaine began bandaging the thief’s bicep, unable to stop himself from noticing how nice his arm was. How nice his everything was really. The thief seemed to notice him noticing and Blaine quickly averted his gaze. This situation was awkward enough as it was.  

He finished hurriedly and stepped back to examine his handiwork. It wasn’t pretty, but it got the job done. He was just relieved the thief hadn’t demanded to be brought to a hospital.  

The thief seemed to take forever to put his clothes back on while Blaine tried to figure out a safe place to direct his gaze.

“Well,” Blaine began once he had finally finished. “It’s been- it’s been quite an experience. And now I’d appreciate it if you would please leave my house.”

“Leave?” The thief widened his eyes earnestly. “I couldn’t possibly drive myself home in this state. I feel weak from shock and blood loss.” Blaine got that feeling he was being laughed at again.

“Well, I’ll call you a taxi,” he said hurriedly.  
  
“I don’t have any money on me.”  
  
“I’ll pay for it.”

“But what about my car? Someone might notice it if it’s left outside your house. I _am_ a wanted man after all. The police would have questions if they saw it. I’m really only thinking of you.” The thief gave him a smile just on the winning side of smugness.  
  
Blaine hesitated. It _would_ be hard to explain. Besides, if the thief left his car here then he’d have to come _back_ and the last thing Blaine wanted was a repeat of tonight’s events. There was only one thing for it. “I’ll drive you home.”

The thief looked surprised, but before he could object Blaine took him by the arm and began dragging him towards the exit.  

He didn’t want to leave the thief alone for as long as it would take for him to get dressed, so he just grabbed the first overcoat and pair of shoes he saw out of the hall closet to put on over his pajamas. This turned out to be a pair of bright yellow rain boots and one of Cooper’s jackets, which was much too big for him. He sensed the coming laughter and turned to glare at the thief, who bit back a smile.

They left the house, Blaine making sure the he locked the door behind them, and the thief led him to a yellow jaguar parked outside the gate. No wonder he’d been worried someone might notice it.   
  
“Pretty, isn’t it?” the thief said, smiling fondly.  
  
Blaine was impressed despite himself. “Robbery must pay well.”

“Oh, well it’s stolen,” he said conspiratorially.

Blaine tore his eyes away from it to glare at him. “I can’t drive a stolen car!”

“Oh, don’t worry, it’s not hard. Have you ever driven a regular car? It’s a lot like that.”

“That’s not funny.” Blaine hesitated a moment longer before getting in the car. He’d just have to hope they wouldn’t be pulled over.

“Alright, where to?” he asked once they’re both settled in.

“The Ritz,” the thief said promptly.

“The-” Blaine gave a short, crazed laugh. “Okay, sure, the Ritz.”  He was driving a stolen car, a very _nice_ stolen car, as a favor to the man he’d caught robbing his house - the fancy hotel was nothing.

It was late and the streets were mostly empty, giving him leave to drive fast. He figured that the sooner he was done with this the better. Okay, so maybe he wasn’t as focused as he should have been at that speed, who could blame him after the night he’d had, but he totally saw that car coming alright, there was no need for the thief to try and grab the wheel. Everything was completely under control.

Once the danger had passed Blaine glanced at him suspiciously. “Your arm seems to be getting better.”

“Oh no, it still hurts.” The thief rubbed his arm and winced dramatically.

Blaine turned on him, furious. “It was the other arm!”

“The infection is spreading” the thief said, not missing a beat. “Eyes on the road please.”

Blaine huffily turned back around just in time to avoid a collision with a fire hydrant. Whatever. They were _fine_.

“Honestly, I've lost count of the number of traffic laws you've violated,” his passenger said conversationally.

“Seriously?” Blaine turned to look at him again only to be pointed back to the road. “Are you, the man who broke into my house, really lecturing me about breaking the law?”  
  
“Are you, the man who shot me, really blaming me for being concerned for my safety?”

The thief’s smile was insufferably smug so Blaine pushed the gas pedal down even further as he returned his focus to the road.  
  


  
As soon as they pulled up to the hotel, Blaine scrambled out of the car, slamming the door behind him as he did. A valet appeared and took the keys to go park it, wishing Mr. Smythe a good evening as he did so.

“Oh no, now you know my name” the thief said, failing to sound even slightly concerned. He gave a dramatic sigh. “Ah well, can’t be helped. Sebastian Smythe, room 207, if you ever wanted me.” His smile managed to persist under Blaine’s blank stare. “After all, I’m pretty sure I owe you a favor now.”  

“No need to repay me, honestly, I’d like to just forget this whole thing.” Blaine turned to go only to find the street empty, the valet having already taken the car. “Wait, now how do I get home?”

“You could just spend the night here. My room’s-”

“Taxi!” Blaine held up his hand to flag down the one approaching the hotel. He got the sense the thief was trying to say something, but at this point, standing outside the Ritz in his pajamas and rain boots, he was beyond caring. The evidence that this was all just a dream was beginning to outweigh reality.  

He opened the door to the cab but was stopped from getting in by a hand on his arm. “Just a moment, there's just one more thing.”

“Yes?” Blaine said warily.

The thief smiled. “Well see, like an idiot I forgot to wear gloves.” He held up his hands for Blaine’s inspection. “If you could just wipe down the frame of that painting for me before you go to bed it'd save me a lot of worry.”

Blaine gaped at him, but the thief’s smirk only got more pronounced. “Okay, sure. Would you like anything else? A bedtime story? A goodnight kiss?”

“Well if you're offering”

Blaine froze, his sarcasm ignored as the thief leaned down and kissed him. Now he knew he was dreaming.

He was too dazed to react before it was over. Hands gently pushed him into the cab, a voice gave the driver his address, and a smug face at the window said goodnight. Blaine felt as though his mind was still back in the foyer, struggling desperately to catch up.  

 

No sooner than he had arrived back home than he was accosted by Cooper. “There you are, Squirt!  Where’ve you been?” He didn’t bother waiting for an answer, continuing on as Blaine took off his borrowed coat and shoes. “You missed a great show tonight, there must have been thousands of people, not to mention the reporters and photographers, all for our Venus. Oh you should have seen it! You-”

“I caught someone trying to rob the house tonight.”

It took Cooper a moment to register the words and stop talking. “You what?” Blaine must have looked an awful mess because as soon as Cooper actually stopped to look at him he was rushed over to an armchair and sat down. “Are you alright? Tell me everything.”

“Well, he was tall, very handsome-”

Cooper, looking increasingly concerned, patted him on the arm. “Okay little brother, how about you start at the beginning. What happened?”

“I caught him in the act of stealing one of the paintings, but I held him off with one of the pistols from the cabinet.”  
  
Cooper glanced around the walls until he’d satisfied himself that nothing was missing. “Then what happened? Did you call the police?”  
  
“No, I drove him back to the Ritz.” Cooper seemed stunned to silence, a true rarity. “I was about to call the police but then I saw he was stealing the Van Gogh, _your_ Van Gogh.  I figured we didn’t need the publicity.” Remembering something, he reached out and took Cooper’s pocket square out of his suit jacket.  
  
“Good thinking, a police investigation might have been - what are you doing?”

Blaine walked over to the Van Gogh and began to wipe down the frame, humming a little as he did so. When he finished he turned to see Cooper standing next to him, looking very worried.

Blaine returned the pocket square to its rightful place, gave it a little pat, then said goodnight with a smile. 

 

He managed to avoid Cooper the next few days, wandering the city, being a tourist, and resolving to forget all about handsome art thieves who may or may not have kissed him, but eventually he got cornered and sent off to the museum to “marvel at the glory of our Venus.”

It certainly was impressive; placed on a raised platform in the center of the museum's main hall. The crowd was thick and Blaine stuck to the edges, having no need to see the statue up close. There were pamphlets being offered detailing the Venus’s illustrious, completely invented history, and it made him nervous. So many people and it would only take one to notice something was wrong.

He’d only been there a minute but it was already too much so he turned to leave, walking right into someone entering.

“Well hello.” Blaine looked up in horror into the smiling face of the thief.  
  
“You!” He took a hurried step back.  
  
“Aw, you remember me.”  
  
“Of course I- Oh my god are you here to-” he looked around nervously and leaned into whisper “- _steal something_?”  
  
The thief laughed. “Yes, I’ve come to this high security museum at the busiest time of day to commit a crime. Brilliant, isn't it?”

Blaine narrowed his eyes. Was the thief joking, or did he just want Blaine to _think_ he was joking? Maybe he was actually serious and now it was on Blaine to stop yet another robbery. He could be like a superhero, with his very own super villain nemesis. That reminded him, he had to call Sam and fill him in on his adventure.

“I’m onto you,” he told the thief. What had his name been? Something with an ‘S’?

His new nemesis looked more amused than concerned, but whatever his response would have been was interrupted by the appearance of Mr. Grammont.

“Mr. Anderson! So glad to see you. Come to see your Venus?”

“Oh, hello, yes.” Blaine hesitated before making the necessary introductions. “This is, uh...”

“Sebastian Smythe,” the thief, Sebastian, said holding out his hand.  

Relieved, Blaine said, “Mr. Smythe, this is Mr. Grammont, the museum director.”  
  
“Delighted.” Sebastian said, smiling broadly as they shook hands. “It’s a wonderful exhibition. So many beautiful things, and so _valuable_.”  
  
Mr. Grammont thanked him enthusiastically then asked, “And how do you two know each other?”

Sebastian answered before Blaine could stop him. “Oh we’re old friends. We used to shoot together.”

Blaine was caught between being horrified and wanting to laugh but tried to maintain an expression of polite interest as the museum director addressed him.

“Now I'm sure you'd like to hear about all the security precautions we have in place to keep the Venus safe, Mr. Anderson. I could give you and your friend a private tour if you’d like.” Blaine tried to interrupt and tell him that was really not necessary, but couldn’t before Mr. Grammont asked, “Are you interested in art Mr. Smythe?”

“Oh yes. And security.” Sebastian winked at Blaine before following the museum director as he commenced his tour.  
  
Blaine watched helplessly as Mr. Grammont explained the motion detecting infrared beams around the Venus, which if crossed would automatically summon both the museum guards and the local police, all while Sebastian gave encouraging nods of interest.

“Now I know what you’re thinking; what if a burglar got to it and turned off the alarm?”  
  
“Funny, I was _just_ about to ask that,” Sebastian said. He seemed to be enjoying himself immensely.

“Well, they can’t. It operates like a bank vault, see, and only myself and two trusted guards know the combination. Let me show you-”  
  
“I’m sorry, but we _really_ have to go. We have lunch plans,” Blaine said hurriedly. He talked over Mr. Grammont’s disappointed objections with a flurry of thank yous and goodbyes, grabbing Sebastian’s arm and dragging him out of the museum. It was rude, but what kind of hero would he be if he let this continue?

“So where are we getting lunch?” Sebastian asked, following Blaine without resistance.

“What?” Blaine stopped in the museum's courtyard and turned to face him. “We are not getting lunch. _We_ are not doing anything, I just had to get you out of there!”

Sebastian rolled his eyes. “Well I’m inviting you to lunch now. I actually really need to talk to you about something.”

“I don’t want to hear it,” Blaine said firmly, trying to ignore how the thief remained stubbornly tall and handsome by the light of day.  Sebastian was a criminal, and there was enough suspicion surrounding his family’s art collection as it was. “Good day Mr. Smythe.”

He began to walk away as fast as decency allowed, but not fast enough to avoid hearing Sebastian call after him, "If you change your mind, remember it's the Ritz, room 207.”

 

Determined to actually _enjoy_ his summer without getting caught up in something illegal, Blaine filled his days eating pastries, reading in parks, brushing up on his French, and shopping (his former co-star Rachel had given him an entire list of things she expected him to buy her while he was there). It didn’t take long for the loneliness to set in however. One of the reasons he’d left New York was to spend some time focusing on himself, but what was the point of being alone in Paris? Occasionally he toyed with the possibilities presented by the Ritz, room 207, but always stopped short of actually going.  
  
That left Cooper for company, and it was hard to talk to him without falling into all their old arguments. He spent one morning catching Cooper up on his time on Broadway, which of course resulted in his brother saying _he_ could have been an actor if he’d wanted to and wasn't Blaine glad he'd given him all those tips growing up?  
  
Blaine was grateful when the butler interrupted by introducing a visitor from the museum, an ancient looking man with a briefcase full of papers saying he’d come about the insurance on the Cellini Venus.

“Insurance? I’ve never had it insured. It's beyond price,” Cooper said loftily.

“The museum has taken out a policy for you to cover it during its transportation and exhibition. By an unfortunate error we did not get your signature on it before the Venus was moved.” He offered Cooper a document from his briefcase and pointed to the blank line. “A mere formality. Once you have signed, the piece will be covered until it is safely returned to your home. It will be insured for its estimated value of one million dollars against all risks, including fire, flood, structural collapse, and, of course, theft.” Room 207 popped into Blaine’s head again as the man gave Cooper a pen.

Cooper signed the document with a flourish and handed it back with a blinding smile.

“Excellent.” The man returned the papers to his briefcase, closing it with a snap. “Now, would you like to be present during the technical examination?”

“I’m sorry, what?”

“Yes, for it to be insured its authenticity must be verified.  Again, just a formality. It's all in the contract. I believe the expert is being flown in on Friday, would you care to come?”  
  
Blaine’s attention had been wandering through the exchange so it took a moment for the significance to sink in. He tried to keep the panic from his face and saw Cooper struggling to do the same.

“Yes, I suppose I will,” he said weakly.

The man from the museum thanked them for their time, apologizing for not obtaining the signature sooner, and was shown out. Blaine looked at his brother in horror.  

“What am I going to do?” Cooper dramatically fell back into an armchair. "If they find out the Venus is fake they'll go through my entire collection." He put his head in his hands. "I'm ruined."

Blaine, overcoming the urge to say I told you so with a herculean effort, pulled a chair up next to his brother’s and sat down, putting his hand on his shoulder. "Come on, there must be something we can do."

Cooper sat up quickly. "No. No _we_. You need to get out of here, go back to New York, no, farther than that, you should go to China. There's no need for you to get caught up in this mess." He looked at Blaine earnestly. “You warned me this would happen. I should have listened.”

Blaine was impressed. He wasn't sure he'd ever heard his brother admit he was wrong before. "I'm not going to abandon you Cooper.” An idea was floating around his head, a crazy idea. But too crazy, or just crazy enough? He patted Cooper on the shoulder, saying, “Don't worry, I'm going to get you out of this.”

"What am I going to do?”

“You need to get your affairs in order, clean out your secret room, cancel all meetings with potential buyers. Just leave the rest to me.”

 

Blaine waited in the dining room of the Ritz, glancing around nervously. He’d called up to Sebastian’s room fifteen minutes before, asking him to meet him here. It was better to do this in a public place, he thought. Less suspicious.

He noticed Sebastian as soon as he entered the room, watching as he stopped to look around, his eyes sweeping right past Blaine, who was pleased by the effectiveness of his disguise. He waited for Sebastian to walk closer before catching his attention by hissing his name.

He lowered his sunglasses to uncover the small area of his face visible between his upturned coat collar and wide brimmed hat and Sebastian’s eyebrows rose as his confused expression changed to one of amused surprise.

"Why are you dressed like that?" he asked, sliding into the curved booth around Blaine's table.

"I don't want anyone to recognize me." Obviously.  
  
"Well, if you want privacy we could just head up to my room." Sebastian said, moving in closer.  
  
"I'm here on business." Blaine slid away, reestablishing the distance between them to make his point. He then lowered his voice and said "I have a job."

Sebastian tilted his head, confused, so Blaine elaborated. "You know, a heist. A robbery."

“Oh.” Blaine caught a hint of a smile before Sebastian schooled his expression into something more serious. “So what's the score?”  
  
“The Cellini Venus.”

Sebastian's surprise was almost comical. “ _Your_ Cellini Venus?” Blaine nodded in confirmation. “But why?”

“What do you mean why? It's worth _a million_ _dollars_.”

“Yes... but it already belongs to you.”

Damn. He'd hoped Sebastian would be on board without question once he'd understood how much money was involved, but apparently that was not to be the case. “Well I’m not going to steal anything that doesn’t belong to me,” he said, as though this should be obvious.

Sebastian gaped at him. “Oh no, of course not. That would be ridiculous.”

Blair rolled his eyes at the sarcasm. “Look, are you going to help or not?”  
  
Sebastian leaned back and crossed his arms. "It's a temporary exhibition right? Why not just wait until it's back in your house? I _know_ I can break into there."

"Are you saying you can't do it?" A house thief might be different from a museum thief, he realized.

"I'm saying, it’s a high security museum and a lot of risk for something you could just walk away with if you only waited."

"Well I can't wait, it's got to be done by Friday!"

He saw Sebastian take note of the panic in his voice and tried to regain his calm demeanor. "Why?"

Blaine tried to think of an excuse that would justify the risk but couldn't. He briefly considered telling the truth, after all an art thief could hardly judge an art forger, but revealing that the statue was worthless would remove any incentive for Sebastian to help him. "I can't tell you,” he said, his voice pleading.  
  
"Well, then I can't help you."

Blaine’s heart sank. He supposed it had been a stupid idea, but it was the only one he could think of. Not quite ready to give up, he asked, “Could you perhaps refer me to another thief then?”  
  
‘No!” Sebastian let out a frustrated sigh running his hand through his hair. “You’re really doing this?”

“I have to.”

Sebastian looked at him intently for a moment, Blaine determinedly meeting his gaze. “Fine.”

“You’ll do it?” Blaine leaned towards him, grinning broadly.

There was a hint of a smile beneath Sebastian's exasperation as he said, “I’ll try, but I’m not promising anything. Friday doesn’t give us much time.”

Blaine nodded, trying to rein in his excitement. “Let’s get started then. What should I do?”

Sebastian didn’t answer immediately, and when he did it was disappointing. “I need some time to think first. How about I pick you up tomorrow, around eleven?”

“How about I pick you up instead,” Blaine said, worried about the stolen car.  

Sebastian grinned like he knew what he was thinking. “Alright, meet me here tomorrow morning. And wear something normal.”

Blaine looked down at his outfit, frowning. Personally, he thought disguises were the best part, but he supposed he should listen to the opinion of the expert. “Fine. Tomorrow then.” He adjusted his sunglasses and coat collar as he left, feeling appropriately sneaky and rather proud of himself.

 

He didn’t see Cooper when he left the next morning, so didn’t have to think of what to tell him. It was better to keep him in the dark for now, he reasoned. They didn’t even have a real plan yet.

Sebastian was waiting for him when he arrived, quickly sliding into the passenger seat and giving an approving nod upon looking him over.

“So, where to?” Blaine asked as he pulled away from the hotel.

Sebastian flung an arm over the back of Blaine’s seat. “I was thinking we’d go get lunch, then I could show you around Paris."

Blaine’s eyes narrowed. “I’ve been here before you know. We’d come to visit my grandfather here all the time when I was little.”  
  
“Well then I guess you could show me around.”

Blaine turned to glare at him, ignoring Sebastian’s pointed glance at the road. “Would you please be serious. We're on a mission here."

Sebastian sighed and retracted his arm. “Fine. Let’s go to the museum.”

“Ah, so we can case the joint, right?” Blaine said, pleased. He’d spent all morning and much of the previous night reading heist novels in preparation and liked to think he was up on the lingo.

Sebastian smiled. “Yeah, sure.”

“So do you have a plan yet? What are we going to do once we get there?"

"Oh you know, look around, figure out what we're dealing with."

Blaine frowned at the vagueness, but was distracted from pressing further by Sebastian saying, “So I see you learned how to drive since I last saw you.”

“Excuse me?” Blaine huffed. “I am an _excellent_ driver. I was just under a lot of stress that night.”

“Stress huh? I guess you shouldn’t be our getaway driver then.”

Blaine knew he was being teased, but it was an important point; he hadn’t considered the possibility of a car chase. “Well I got us there all right, didn’t I? Not that I _want_ to be in a police chase or anything, but I’m sure I could do it if I had to.”

“Yes, we definitely want to avoid a police chase. Police in general really. Like them.” Sebastian pointed at the smartly uniformed men outside the buildings they were passing as they approached the museum.

“Those aren’t police, they’re just guards. That’s the Ministry of the Interior they’re outside.”  

“And those?” Sebastian asked, pointing up ahead.

“They’re guarding government buildings; that’s where the President lives. They have nothing to do with us.” Blaine was unsettled. Sebastian should know this, shouldn’t he?

“They will when we’re trying to get away, assuming we manage to get past all the ones who actually _are_ guarding the museum.”

Blaine was both relieved Sebastian wasn’t actually incompetent and newly bothered by all of the stern faced figures they were passing. “What’s your point?”  
  
“My point is that this is going to be dangerous. Are you sure it’s worth it?”

Not really. He knew it was stupid, covering up Cooper’s crime by committing a worse one, but he couldn’t just sit by and do nothing. If they weren’t able to come up with a decent plan then he’d back out, he decided. But first they had to get a plan. He looked at Sebastian and nodded. “I’m sure.”

 

Blaine and Sebastian stood by the entrance of the museum's main hall, surveying the room together. Blaine wasn't quite sure _what_ they were looking for, but Sebastian hadn't given any instruction, so he tried to catalogue everything.

It was a round room with the Venus at its center on a pedestal surrounded by a ring of glowing blue lights signifying the motion detectors Mr. Grammont had showed them. The walls were lined with oil paintings and pierced by several hallways leading off to other exhibits. There was a grand staircase going up to the second floor, beside which there was a smaller hallway, blocked off with a velvet rope and a staff only sign.  

Blaine thought that looked promising, and apparently Sebastian did too because he began to wander in that direction. Blaine followed, trying to look nonchalant.  

When they reached the staircase, Blaine looked expectantly at Sebastian, who glanced around, then nodded his head towards a guard who was surveying the room from his nearby position against the wall.  

“Distract him for me,” he said, and Blaine nodded eagerly. Perfect, things were finally getting started.

He went up to the guard, taking care to position himself so that he could see what Sebastian was doing and the guard couldn’t, and began playing the clueless American tourist, asking in painfully bad French where the bathroom was. Over the guard’s shoulder he watched Sebastian casually step over the rope and disappear down the hall, then continued to pretend to misunderstand the instructions he was being given.  

If was fun really, willfully ignoring the guard’s attempts to speak to him in English and insistently talking over him in his exaggeratedly terrible French. He got rather caught up in it, not noticing Sebastian reemerge until he caught him watching with a raised eyebrow and a smile.

Blaine gave a cheerful “Merci” to the poor guard and walked over to join him.  

“You're good at that,” Sebastian said as they fell into step together, walking the perimeter of the room.

“Well I _am_ an actor,” Blaine said, trying not to sound too smug.

“Really? Anything I’d have heard of?”

“Broadway, _West Side Story_?”

Sebastian seemed to recognize the name at least. “Impressive. You'll have to sing for me sometime.”

Blaine couldn't help answering Sebastian's smile but caught himself before flirting back. This was a _business_ relationship and they were supposed to be _working_. He dragged the conversation back on point, asking, “Well? What was back there?”

Sebastian shrugged. “A storage closet under the stairs, a fire hose and bucket, maybe more but I didn’t want to risk spending too much time exploring.”

Well that was disappointing. “So what now?”

Sebastian put his hands in his pockets and scanned the room. He pointed to a closed door across from where the staircase was. “That’s probably the guard room. We should take a look.”

“What? How?” Wasn't that the opposite of where they wanted to end up?

“If we walk in like we belong there they’ll think we do. It's human nature.” He fished around in the pocket of his jacket, pulling out a small notebook and a pen and handing them to Blaine. “Just follow my lead.”

Sebastian led the way to the door, which was unlocked and opened to a short hallway. Blaine followed Sebastian down it and into a room full of guards, most of whom were playing cards around a table.  

“Who’s in charge here?” Sebastian demanded angrily in perfect French. One of the guards gave a little raise of his hand, but before he could finish asking who Sebastian was he was cut off.

“Dubois, Assistant Deputy Chairman, Commissioner of Tourism.” Sebastian flashed something vaguely ID shaped before returning it to his pocket. “Isn’t this place cleaned regularly? The woodwork out there is covered in dust.”

“We have a complete staff of cleaning women” the one in charge spluttered. Blaine tried to look official, making marks in the notebook Sebastian had given him.

“What, once a month?” Sebastian said disdainfully, walking the room.

“No, every night, from midnight until four.”

Sebastian reached the door at the other end of the room, opening it imperiously then turning back to the guards, who were shifting from surprised to confused, verging on suspicious. Sebastian seemed to realize this too because he said, “Make sure they do their jobs properly or I’ll have to write a report,” and strode back out. Blaine followed, greatly impressed.

He had trouble keeping up with Sebastian as they walked back out into the main hall, and then towards the exit.  

“We're leaving already?”

Sebastian nodded.  “Don't want to risk them seeing us hanging around. Besides, I don't think we'll get much more.”

“Do we have enough?” Blaine couldn't see how it was possible, but he supposed that was what he'd hired Sebastian for.

“Let's get out of the museum before we discuss robbing it.”

 

They ended up at a nearby park, walking a path between shady trees and brilliantly green grass lawns.

"So what was through the door?" Blaine asked once it seemed safe.

"An exit."

"There's another way in? We could use that to get to the Venus!” This seemed big, but Sebastian didn't look excited.

"Sure, but then we'd have to walk right through the guard’s room." Blaine frowned, waiting for an alternative that didn't come.

"But some of that was useful, right?” he pressed. “About the cleaning women? Maybe I could disguise myself as one and get in that way."

Sebastian looked like he was on the verge of laughter. "You really think you could pull that off?"  
  
"Sure, if I had to." Sebastian just continued to look amused, which Blaine did not appreciate. "Well at least I'm _trying_ to think of ideas. You're the expert, what do you think?”

Sebastian sighed. "It's my expert opinion that you should probably give this up."

Blaine stopped walking to stare at him. "What? No, you haven't even thought about it yet."

Sebastian stopped too, turning to face him. "Yes, I have, and I can tell you that even if we _could_ get in, there's no way to get past the alarm, no way to tamper with it, and no way for us to turn it off."

"How do you ever manage to steal anything with an attitude like that?"

Sebastian almost smiled, then shook his head and continued walking. "What we need is for some member of the museum staff to turn the alarm off for us."

Relieved, Blaine joined him. "So bribery?"

"No, we don't know which guard has the codes and there's not enough time to find out."  
  
"Well what then?"

"I don't-" Sebastian stopped walking, his eyes following something that whizzed past through the air. They watched as a man surrounded by a group of children caught it, to the cheers of his audience. It was a cheap wooden boomerang. He had a stall of the things, and must have been selling them.   

“What are you doing?” Blaine asked as Sebastian walked towards the vendor, ignoring Blaine as he pushed his way through the crowd of children. After a minute he returned, holding a newly purchased boomerang.

“Come on, let’s find someplace I can try this out.” Sebastian seemed excited for the first time all day, which struck Blaine as strange.  He didn't seem like the kind of person to be interested in kid’s toys.

“This better have something to do with the plan,” he said, following Sebastian onto the grass. “We don’t have time for you to waste reliving your childhood.”

“I’ve had an idea,” Sebastian assured him, avoiding a group of children playing catch as he searched for an empty open space.

Blaine waited but Sebastian didn't elaborate. “Well, aren’t you going to share it?”

“Not yet, I’m still thinking it through.”

Well, it was something at least. Blaine settled down in the shade, leaning against the trunk of a tree, and watched Sebastian throw the boomerang. He wasn’t very good at it, at least not at first, but after a few tries he seemed to get the angle right, sending it out in an arc that came spinning back towards him. He almost fell over trying to catch it, which made Blaine laugh, earning him a glare.

Sebastian kept trying for what seemed like hours, throwing the boomerang at different heights and distances and catching it with increasing ease. Blaine wasn’t sure what the point was, but there were worse ways to spend an afternoon than sitting in the park and watching Sebastian Smythe. Besides, he didn’t want to risk disturbing his thought process.  

He must have dozed off a bit because suddenly Sebastian was kneeling in front him, hand on Blaine’s knee and smiling. “I have a plan. Looks like you're going to need a cleaning woman disguise after all.”

   
  
They spent the rest of the day working out the details. Blaine even allowed Sebastian to take him out to dinner. After all, they _did_ need to eat. 

It was decided they would try to carry out the plan the following night, so that they’d have the chance to tweak it and try again before the Friday deadline if they had to. They would meet at the museum, half an hour before closing time.  
  
  
  
Blaine spent the next morning putting together his disguise, going over everything in his head. He'd been avoiding Cooper the past few days, not a difficult task since his brother had been holed up in his secret studio, but as the time to leave got closer Blaine sought him out. Sebastian's plan was far from foolproof, and he wanted to say goodbye, just in case.

He found his brother in the same place he'd been when Blaine had first arrived; sitting on his stool, surrounded by his paints and canvases and special dirt.  

“I thought you were getting rid of all this stuff,” Blaine said, gesturing around the room.

Cooper shrugged. “I couldn't.” He stood up, brushing nonexistent dirt off his suit and avoiding Blaine's eye. “It hardly matters; they’d have enough proof without seeing my work space.”

“Then what have you been _doing_ these past few days?” It was his own fault for not including his brother in his plans, but surely Cooper must have been doing _something_. “Aren't you worried?”

“Of course,” he said, sounding oddly defensive. Under Blaine’s stare he continued, “I've just been thinking. Once everyone knows it was me, well, everyone will know it was _me_. _I_ painted those long lost masterpieces everyone fought over and admired. You know what happened with Van Meegeren right? He painted one last Vermeer in prison; even the _guards_ marveled at the brilliance of his brushwork.”

“I don't think you should expect too much admiration,” Blaine snapped.

“Why are you mad? I'm just trying to look on the bright side here.” Cooper tried flashing a smile but it faded under Blaine’s glare.

“I'm mad because you don't seem to care that you could go to jail! You'll be _gone_ Cooper.” He'd lost count of all the times his brother had let him down over the years, but this felt worse, like he was just giving up.  

Cooper shook his head. “You have your whole life in New York. You have _Broadway_. You don't need me.” He attempted another smile. “You'll be better off without me really.”  

Blaine felt a stab of guilt at that. He was so used to thinking of Cooper as the one who had everything, but somehow, somewhere, Blaine seemed to have surpassed him. At the very least he had recognition; all Cooper had was a string of masterpieces without his name on them. Their growing apart was on his shoulders as much as it was on his brother’s. But there was still time to fix things. He was going to _make_ time.

“We're brothers, Coop,” he said firmly. “We have to look out for each other. And I’m going to get you out of this.”

He could tell from the look on his face that Cooper didn't believe him, but was touched anyway. “Come here Squirt,” he said, opening his arms and pulling Blaine into a hug. Blaine couldn't remember the last time they'd hugged. He held onto the moment, saving it for the long night he had ahead.

The thought made him pull away, worried he might be late if he stayed too much longer. “I've got to get going. I've got a date tonight.”  He'd decided earlier that the less Cooper knew the smoother things would go. “I’ll probably be out pretty late, so don't wait up.”

“Oh? Good for you,” Cooper said, and he did look pleased. “Have fun.”

Blaine nodded and smiled. “And you don't give up just yet, okay? Tomorrow’s a whole new day.” At least, it would be if he and Sebastian had anything to say about it. 

  
  
When Blaine arrived at the museum, Sebastian was already there, pacing back and forth in the courtyard and looking very respectable in a dark blue suit.

“I'm not late am I?” Blaine asked, made slightly breathless by his rush over from where he'd parked his car a discreet distance away. “I'm sorry, I got caught up talking to my brother.”

Sebastian waved his hand in dismissal. “It's fine, the museum doesn't close for another twenty minutes.” He eyed the large paper bag in Blaine’s arms. “You have everything?”

“Yes. I triple checked.” That was the other reason he was late.

Blaine had been half expecting Sebastian to try to talk him out of it again, give him one last out, but instead he looked just as wired as Blaine felt, bouncing slightly on his heels as he nodded. “Excellent. Let's go then.”

Most of the museum goers were departing as closing time approached, but there was a decent crowd of tourists wanting a quick look at the Venus entering alongside Blaine and Sebastian.

Blaine was stopped and politely told by an attendant that he would have to check his bag, which he did, smiling at the girl behind the desk and noting which of the cubbies lining the wall his bag went into.

“Don't forget to collect it when you leave,” she called after him as he rejoined Sebastian, jittery with nerves as they wandered around, awaiting closing time.  

They didn't have to wait long before the announcement was given and the crowds slowly began moving towards the exit. Guards walked the perimeter, looking for stragglers and items for the lost and found.  

Sebastian put several francs worth of coins between the folds of a museum map as they walked, casually placing it on a mantelpiece when they neared the grand staircase and the roped off passage beside it.  

Blaine stopped right in front of the staff only sign and bent to tie his shoe, lingering until a passing guard saw Sebastian’s map and picked it up to throw it away, sending coins bouncing and rolling across the floor. Everyone in the vicinity, guard included, stopped and scrambled to pick them up, allowing Blaine and Sebastian to slip unnoticed over the rope and around the corner, behind the stairs.

“That was clever,” Blaine whispered as they reached the storage closet, which was, as described, next to a coiled up fire hose and bucket on a hook.  

Sebastian shrugged as he knelt to pick the lock of the closet door. “It's human nature, that's all.”  

Blaine kept watch, prepared to play the confused American tourist again if necessary, but no one one came by. As Sebastian had predicted, the guards waited for the crowds to finish leaving before doing a sweep of the back passages, and Sebastian had the door open well before their time was up.

Blaine went in first as Sebastian put a strip of tape along the door frame so it wouldn't lock behind them. Most of the space was taken up by a wooden ladder, with shelves full of boxes along the wall. Blaine peered in one and saw light bulbs but couldn't examine further before Sebastian came in and shut the door behind him, blocking out most of the light from the hall.

He almost elbowed Blaine in the eye as he turned around while putting his roll of tape back in an inside pocket  Blaine hadn't realized quite how small the closet would be. He could feel Sebastian's breath on his cheek, and was suddenly very concerned with how fast his heart was beating.  

“Try to get comfortable,” Sebastian whispered. “This is home for the next seven hours.”

Blaine nodded and climbed a couple of rungs on the ladder, freeing up a few more inches between them, with the added bonus of making him the taller of the two.

They waited in silence as the sounds of the museum goers quieted and the guards began to do their rounds. Footsteps passed right outside their door and Blaine hardly breathed until they'd faded, but as Sebastian had predicted, their closet was left unexamined.

Eventually, things seemed to settle down for good, the light coming through the door dimming as the museum shut down.

“We’ll have to wait awhile, figure out the timing of the guards rounds, then we can get started,” Sebastian said softly, sitting down in the small amount of available floor space. Sitting began to seem increasingly attractive to Blaine, who was already regretting his perch on the ladder.  

He descended and almost sat on Sebastian in the dark. The resulting soft laugh almost made him retreat, but they were going to be stuck there for _hours_ , so he got over his embarrassment and settled himself into the remaining floor space, legs going under the ladder. It felt awkward, sitting there together in the dark, and he longed to fill up the silence with conversation but didn’t dare risk the noise. Instead he closed his eyes and settled back as best he could, going over the plan in his mind.  
  


There was a sharp jab as someone poked his arm and Blaine started awake from where he’d dozed off on Sebastian’s shoulder. “Sorry,” he mumbled, embarrassed at his lack of professionalism. He only hoped he hadn’t drooled.  

He felt Sebastian stand up and was blinded by a light flickering on. Blaine's eyes adjusted as he struggled to his feet and he saw a lone light bulb and chain hanging from the ceiling. “From what I can tell, the guards do their rounds every hour,” Sebastian said, not bothering to be as quiet as before. “One passed fifteen minutes ago. You ready?”

Blaine nodded and Sebastian pushed open the closet door.  They crept out cautiously, then stopped to stretch in the comparatively luxurious space afforded by the hallway before moving into the central display room. The blue lights of the Venus’s security system were the brightest thing there, though there was light coming from the door leading to the guards room. The space seemed so much bigger without the crowds, the edges fading in the gloom.

Slowly and quietly, they moved towards the museum entrance. Blaine’s bag was still in its cubby behind the check in desk alongside a few other forgotten items. He grabbed it and pulled out Sebastian's boomerang, handing it over before tucking the bag under his arm.  

They crept back to the passage leading to their closet and Sebastian gestured him down it before focusing his attention on the statue at the center of the room. Blaine crossed over the velvet rope, but then turned back around, unable to resist the temptation of watching.

Sebastian threw the boomerang like he had endless times in the park the day before and Blaine hardly breathed as it flew through the air, praying all that practice had paid off. It went too wide around the statue and as it came back Sebastian had to jump to catch it.  

He landed back on the floor with a thump, which sounded terrifyingly loud to Blaine in the silence. Sebastian froze as they both listened for any sign that someone had heard. After a long moment he raised the boomerang again, aiming carefully before letting it fly. This time it was perfect, passing a foot over the Venus’s head, right through the motion detector, setting off the alarm.

Blaine hadn’t been prepared for how ear-splittingly loud it would be and stood frozen in panic for a moment, the result of which was that when Sebastian caught the boomerang and leapt over the velvet rope, he crashed right into him. The lights of the main hall flickered on and Blaine knew the guards must be close behind as he and Sebastian picked themselves up and scrambled over each other on their way back to the closet. Once they were inside, Sebastian yanked the door shut behind them, the sound of its slamming lost in the blaring of the alarm.  

The following minutes felt endless. Even after the alarm was finally turned off it was replaced by the pounding of footsteps and the sirens of approaching police cars. Sebastian was close enough Blaine could feel his heart pounding almost as well as he could feel his own, which was almost comforting in a way. 

After an eternity, the sounds all died down, the light coming from the hall dimming again as the police left and the guards retreated back to their room. Sebastian had been right; no one had bothered to check a presumably locked storage closet, especially when nothing had actually been taken.  

The closet light bulb flickered on again so Sebastian could look through their reclaimed bag of supplies. Blaine stepped up a couple rungs on the ladder, conscious of the lack of space again. His heart was still pounding.

“Do you really think it’ll work?” he whispered.

Sebastian put the bag down and looked up at him. “It should. It’s only human nature after all.”

Blaine nodded, but couldn't quite believe it. “It just felt really close back there, like they were right behind us.” He paused, taking a deep breath before continuing. “Look, I had no right to get you involved in all this and I just want you to know I’m willing to give it up. If you think that’s best.”

Sebastian raised his eyebrows. “Ah, but then what would happen when the inspector comes to test your statue on Friday?”

Blaine's eyes widened. How could he know about that? He barely managed to keep his voice level as he asked, “What do you mean?”

“I mean, it’s fake.” Sebastian looked at him with that smug smirk he was so good at, daring him to deny it. That was Blaine's first instinct, but Sebastian looked so sure there hardly seemed to be a point. Besides, he was owed the truth; risking jail for the million dollar Chillini Venus was an entirely different prospect than risking it for a fake.  

So instead of denial he met Sebastian's gaze and asked, “How did you know?”

Sebastian shrugged. “I figured it must be when you asked me to steal it,” he said, casual, like it was obvious, like he hadn't just destroyed the entire foundation of what Blaine had thought he was doing here. He looked almost expectant as Blaine stared at him, completely at a loss.

“I don’t understand,” he said, eyes searching Sebastian's face for an answer. “If you knew it was worthless this whole time then why-”

He was cut off by Sebastian closing the short distance between them and kissing him, resting a hand on one of the ladder rungs by Blaine's hip.

He had resolved not to think of the last kiss, unsure if it had been a joke or a dream and deciding that either way it didn't mean anything. Best to forget it and focus on the job, he'd thought. But apparently Sebastian didn't care about the job, he cared about _Blaine_. God, he was slow.

Sebastian pulled back before his brain had quite finished processing, but stayed close, hand still on the ladder, questioning.

“Oh,” Blaine said, trying to play at confusion, but unable to stop a stupid grin from spreading across his face. “I'm sorry, but could you explain that again?”

Sebastian smiled as he obliged. This time Blaine kissed back.

   


All in all, Blaine was finding a life of crime to be much more enjoyable than he'd thought it would be. Aside from the brief period of alarm filled terror, his grand caper had thus far consisted of a nap and a make out. The closet didn't even seem so small anymore, it was really quite cozy. He must have adapted to his surroundings.  

A few minutes after the sounds of the latest patrol had passed, Sebastian picked up his boomerang and went out for round two. Blaine waited inside the closet this time as there was no point in both of them going out and potentially getting caught, but not being able to see what was happening somehow made it even more nerve wracking.  

He jumped as the alarm began to go off again and opened the door, waiting. Thankfully he wasn’t left worrying for long; Sebastian bolted around the corner in seconds and Blaine shut the door after him as soon as he was inside, a much smoother process than the last time.    

The alarm went on and on, so loud he could practically _feel_ it. Sebastian leaned in, practically shouting so Blaine could hear him say, “I’m guessing we’re not the only ones who are getting tired of this.” He felt Sebastian’s smile against his ear and smiled in return, thinking of the Ministry of the Interior and the President’s house, both within in earshot.  

The alarm was finally turned off again, and amidst the hurried feet of the guards and policemen they heard the sound of voices raised in argument. It got loud enough that Blaine could make out someone yelling “It’s not _my_ fault, I didn’t install it!”  

After everything had quieted down again and they were sure not to be heard, Blaine turned to Sebastian, excited. “That sounded promising! I say we go check.”

Sebastian seemed to think for a moment then nodded and picked up his boomerang again. They left the closet and walked softly back to the main hall. It was darker than before and it was easy to see why; the lights around the Venus were gone. The security system was off.  

Blaine’s eyes widened and he grabbed Sebastian's arm, shaking it excitedly. Sebastian grinned and detached himself, holding up a cautionary finger before throwing the boomerang in a perfect arc above the Venus. Nothing happened.  

Sebastian caught the boomerang and, amazed, they returned to the closet.

“It actually worked,” Sebastian said once the door was shut, sounding almost awed. “They actually turned it off.”

“Of course it worked, you’re a genius!” Blaine said, practically bouncing.  

Sebastian smiled, his usual smugness returning. “I really am aren’t I?”

Blaine answered by dragging him down for a kiss.

  
  
The biggest uncertainty of the plan, whether they could successfully annoy people into turning off the alarm for them, had been answered. The riskiest part however, actually getting the statue out of the building, was yet to come.  

For that, they had to wait until midnight when the cleaning women came. As soon as the last patrol had passed. Sebastian went out to get the Venus while Blaine emptied out the rest of his bag and put on the disguise he'd packed. It wasn't much, just a shapeless, sack like dress he could put on over most of his clothes and a scarf to tie over his hair.

He rolled up his shirt sleeves and pant legs, making sure they didn't show, and picked up his bow tie from where Sebastian had dropped it after tugging it off in those few enjoyable hours they'd had to kill. He was tying up the scarf when Sebastian returned with the Venus and the fire bucket from the hall outside, looking him over with a raised eyebrows.

“Well?” Blaine asked, turning around for inspection.

Sebastian smiled. “You'll pass. We’re just going to have to hope no one looks at you too closely.” He handed Blaine the Venus which he carefully wrapped in the old rags he'd packed, saving one to pretend to dust with.  

After stuffing his suit jacket into the bottom of the bucket he gently placing the disguised Venus on top, arranging it so at it glance it would look like a bundle of cleaning supplies.  

“Okay, just keep your head down and get the Venus to the guard room without anyone noticing,” Sebastian instructed once midnight came and they could hear people moving around. “I'll meet you there.”

Blaine nodded and took a deep breath before leaving their hiding place. This was it, just get through this one thing and they'd be home free. He edged along the wall until he could peak out around the staircase to see the main hall. A single guard was in place, overseeing the group of cleaning women with a bored expression on his face. Blaine was gratified to see that neither his outfit nor his bucket would stand out in this crowd. As he watched, the guard turned to survey the other side of the hall, his eyes skating right over the empty plinth where the Venus should be.  

While his back was turned, Blaine slipped over the velvet rope, pretending to be dusting as he did. No one paid him any mind as he proceeded to make a show of scrubbing the floor, keeping his bucket close as he inched his way in the direction of the guard room.

Blaine knew he should be keeping his head down, but his eyes kept being drawn to the center of the room where the Venus should be. The empty space seemed so gaping to him it was a wonder the guard hadn't noticed it yet.

The minutes dragged on, Blaine tense with expectation until the guard finally let out a cry and scrambled into the guard room.  

The women stopped what they were doing and exchanged confused looks and questioning murmurs. Then suddenly, all of the guards poured out, took a look at the empty plinth, and set off running to search the museum. The cleaning women were directed to stay against the wall and out of the way, free from suspicion as they'd been watched from the moment they arrived.

Surreptitiously, Blaine began to move along the wall towards the guard room, unnoticed amidst all the shouting and rushing about. He made it through the door and down the short hallway without incident, but when he got to the room itself someone grabbed him and pushed him up against the wall.  

He was about to yell but was cut off by a kiss and he relaxed as he realized it was only Sebastian, grinning wildly. He'd gotten a guard’s hat from somewhere and at first glance his suit could pass as one of their uniforms; he must have snuck in ahead of Blaine during all of the confusion. As he had predicted, the guards room was empty, the only place in the whole museum guaranteed to be in a crisis.

“Was that really necessary?” Blaine asked, but he couldn't stop smiling as Sebastian grabbed his hand and led him across the room.  

“Oh, definitely,” he said, and they left through the back exit, giddy with success.  

 

Blaine was awoken the next morning by Cooper throwing open his door and shoving a newspaper in his face.

“Can you believe it? We're saved! Thank God for the criminal class!”

Blaine scanned the paper as Cooper plopped down on the bed next to him. The article took up most of the front page but all boiled down to a sensational theft having occurred the Kléber-Lafayette Museum, no suspects. Blaine smiled and turned to Cooper who looked like a kid on Christmas morning.

“I guess the prison guards are going to be denied a first hand look at my genius after all.”

Blaine laughed. “They wouldn't appreciate it anyway.”

Coopers expression abruptly turned serious. “Now I know it might be hard, but you’re going to have to keep that happiness in check when the reporter’s get here,” he said, sternly. “Remember, we've just suffered a terrible loss.”

Blaine rolled his eyes. “It'll be fine. I’m an actor, remember?”

“Of course I remember, I taught you everything you know.” He patted Blaine on the knee and stood up. “Now hurry and get dressed. They’re going to be here soon.”

Blaine was far too happy to be annoyed at his brother, even when Cooper sent him back upstairs to change when he came down not looking 'somber' enough. Cooper looked somber enough for both of them, wearing head-to-toe black in mourning. He'd even placed a giant black bow over the conspicuously empty spot in their foyer where the Venus had once been displayed.  

When the reporters came, Blaine stood solemnly next to his brother, who insisted Blaine let him do the talking. He congratulated himself on his foresight in not telling Cooper, whose fake grief was excessive even without knowing the truth.

“The thing is I knew,” he said tearfully. “I woke up in the middle of the night with a sudden premonition, a feeling that something was terribly wrong. I thought it must have been something I had eaten, but then this morning...” He trailed off as though overcome with emotion while cameras flashed and reporters scribbled their notes.

“Is it true the Venus was uninsured?” one asked.

Cooper stiffened slightly. “No, I’m sure I signed something,” he said vaguely.

“But it wasn’t official until after tomorrow’s technical examination, correct?” asked another. “Do you have any plans to sue the museum for displaying it before the insurance went through?”

“No!” Cooper said, much too quickly. He caught Blaine's reproving look and corrected, “I mean, I couldn’t possibly think about _money_ at a time like this,” successfully moving the conversation back to his fake grief.

Cooper was clearly enjoying the spotlight and Blaine let him bask in it, his own mind occupied in wondering how long it would be before he could go see Sebastian.  

Once all the reporters were finally gone Cooper swept him up in a hug. “Let’s celebrate,” he said, pulling away slightly to put his hands on Blaine’s shoulders. “Champagne, firecrackers, the works!”

Blaine smiled, but excused himself by saying he had a very important appointment at the Ritz, promising they'd celebrate as soon as he got back. Cooper watched him go, his brow furrowed.    
  


Blaine was halfway through speeding his way to the hotel when he made himself slow down, figuratively as well as literally. He always fell too hard too fast, he knew that, and Sebastian was an actual _criminal_. That alone merited some caution. Okay, so technically Blaine was now a criminal too, but that had been a one time thing. There was no sense in getting caught up in something doomed to fail, especially since he'd be going back to his real life in New York soon anyway.

But then, Blaine had never been all that sensible.  

He at least knew well enough to avoid meeting Sebastian in his room, instead calling up to ask him to meet him in the dining room.  It was fitting, he thought, to celebrate where it had all began.  

Any resolve he'd had shattered the moment he saw Sebastian walk in, his face breaking into a smile that answered Sebastian's when his eyes found Blaine.  
  
“Well congratulations. We did it,” Sebastian said, sliding into the booth, much too close, but Blaine couldn't bring himself to mind.

“Have you seen the papers?” Blaine asked excitedly. Everything else aside, Sebastian was the only one he could talk to about the burglary and he was bursting to. “It's practically the crime of the century, and we did it! I mean, it was mostly you, but I helped didn't I?”

Sebastian motioned for him to be quieter, but he couldn't stop smiling either.  

“Sorry,” Blaine whispered. He lowered his voice to a less conspicuous level. “You must be used to this by now, but it's my _first_ _burglary_!”

Sebastian gave a strange little chuckle and said, “Yeah, mine too.”

Blaine laughed but Sebastian’s smile had faded. He looked almost anxious. “Wait, what are you talking about? You were literally robbing me when we first met.”

“Actually you _assumed_ I was there to rob you.” He shrugged. “I just thought it best to play along. I didn't know you'd _shoot_ me.”

Blaine’s confusion grew. It was hardly unreasonable to assume a stranger sneaking around your house late at night was a thief. “Well then why _were_ you there that night?”

Sebastian hesitated a moment, then folded his hands on the table, looked Blaine in the eye and said, “I'm a private detective who specializes in tracing stolen art and in detecting and exposing forgeries.”  

Blaine's eyes widened as it sunk in. _Cooper_. “So, when you were looking at the Van Gogh-”.

Sebastian nodded in confirmation. “I had already taken a paint sample when you caught me.”

Every moment since they’d met flashed by as Blaine tried to make sense of it all. “I don't understand. Why did you agree to help me steal something if you're not a burglar?”

“Well, I wasn't planning to actually go through with it,” Sebastian said. “I only agreed so I could try to talk you out of it, but then a real plan started to form and I figured why not? I serve as a security consultant to several museums, I'm kind of an authority actually, and I must admit I've always wondered what it'd be like to use my powers for evil.”

“So, you're really not a criminal?” said Blaine, still half expecting Sebastian to yell ‘gotcha’ and start laughing.

“Well I am _now_. You've really been quite a terrible influence on me.”

Sebastian smiled but Blaine was quite distressed. He'd had it all backwards this entire time.

“Wow, I didn't realize my bad boy appeal was so important to you.” Sebastian said lightly. “If it helps, I _did_ really break into your house.”

Oh, right. He’d been so focused on what this meant for him that he's forgotten all about Cooper. “If you took a paint sample then-”

“I know it's fake? Yeah. But don't worry, I told my employer the results were inconclusive.”

Blaine tilted his head, questioning. “You did? Why?”

Sebastian shrugged. “I didn't know how involved you were. I didn't want to get you into trouble.”

Blaine blinked, a smile beginning to form. “But you didn't even know me.”

“What can I say, you made quite an impression."

Blaine did smile then. When you got right down to it, all that had really changed was that Sebastian wasn't an _actual_ criminal, which was undoubtedly a good thing. A thought struck him. “Does this mean that car is yours?”

“Bought and paid for.”

Alright, screw caution. “What do you say we get out of here?”

“I'd say it's about time.”

As they left the hotel dining room it almost felt like they were back at the museum again, buzzing with giddy anticipation. That is until they walked straight into Cooper.  

“So, this must be the tall, handsome thief you told me about,” Cooper said looking rather proud of himself as he glared at Sebastian, who glanced at Blaine with a raised eyebrow. “Where's my Venus?”

Blaine spent so much time being exasperated by his brother that he'd forgotten Cooper wasn't actually all that dumb.  

"Gone,” Sebastian said with one of his infuriatingly smug smiles. “I'm afraid it’s been lost forever. Anything that may surface from here on out is merely a fake."

Cooper looked at Blaine, aghast. "You told him?"

"No! He just figured it out. You see, it turns out that he's not really a thief after all and - well it's complicated.” He realized he probably should have worked out what Sebastian was planning to do about Cooper before he decided to go any further.

“It's not really,” Sebastian said. “I catch art forgers. You are an art forger. One of us is going to have to retire and it ain't gonna be me.”

“He will,” Blaine said quickly. “One close call was enough, right Coop?”

Cooper looked between them as if searching for an escape route, then gave one of his brilliant smiles. “Of course. The path of righteousness has become clear. I'll just leave you two to your...celebration and see you back at the house Blaine.”

He turned and strode out of the hotel while they watched him go.

“For such a successful forger he's not a very good liar is he?” mused Sebastian.

“No, he's not.” He hoped Cooper had learned _something_ from this whole mess, but even if he hadn't, Blaine could hardly complain with the way things had turned out.  

They walked over to the elevator and as they waited Sebastian said, “Maybe we should get out of the city for awhile. Go to the beach, explore the French countryside. I'll drive."

"Sounds perfect. Although I have to be back in New York by the end of the summer."

"Hm, right."

Blaine hesitated, but then realized that nothing he could say could be riskier than robbing a museum, and he’d done that just fine. "You know, there are a _lot_ of museums in New York."

"You don't say?"

"Yup. Probably a lot of art forgers too. Could be a good career move."

Sebastian smiled as the elevator doors slid open with a ding. "You know, I think it will be."

 


End file.
